This past week I read a Facebook post by someone I used to consider a dear friend. We don’t see each other anymore. He’s moved on.
I find that often happens when a friend starts to date someone or even more dramatically, when they move in or get married to the love of their life.
It can be a little melancholy.
It got me thinking about what makes friendships last. And even more basic, why do we become friends with someone in the first place? What glue keeps us together? What tears us apart?
We humans are funny.
This week I also talked to a friend about the importance of speaking up and telling your truth. We talked about how that’s important in building relationships; real relationships and not just casual acquaintances.
It all leads to thinking that a good friend would listen to what you have to say and believe you. In a world where we need people to “have our back” I think it should start with a simple trust.
I’m blabbering a bit here… but stay with me.
We need our friends. Real friends. People that know us and love us. The people that you can call at 3am and they will come running. No questions asked.
These are best friends.
Yes, some friends will be around for a while and then slip away. I think that’s natural. It says something about what the relationship was built on and the fact that we are all changing all of the time. Life changes us in ways we could never expect.
I’ve been lucky to have a few really great friends. I understand how rare and precious they are. I would not be here if they weren’t in my life. You would be surprised to know who they are.
I’m also lucky to have many of the other kinds of friends and blessed to be surrounded by some outstanding people. If for some reason we part I will know my life is better for the time we shared.
My Buddhist teacher, Lama Tara, gave the best antidote to heal the pain when I lost that cherished friend that moved on. She explained that I had stopped the story in the wrong place. Instead of continuing the narrative to the sorrow of not spending time together, in my mind, I should end that chapter of our friendship when our time together was filled with laughter and comradery. Stop the story there. It will allow you to move forward and look back with affection and gratitude.
It’s a good plan and has served me well.
Lama Tara also reminds me that nothing lasts forever.
But just maybe a best friend makes you believe they will be around for a very long time.