COVID and My Depression

Like so many others, I wake up in the middle of the night.
Sometimes I get up and write.
Lately my depression has been filling my 3am thoughts.

COVID and My Depression

My depression has been waiting on the sideline.
Waiting for the chance to step up.
Waiting for my guard to drop down.
Waiting for the moment to step in.
Waiting to take over and rule the day.
Waiting.

My depression is patient and bides it’s time.
It plays a very long game.

Covid gave my depression a battering ram.
But I’m pushing back as hard as I can.
Covid gave my depression keys to the door.
I’m struggling to keep it shut.
Covid gave my depression all the passwords.

I’m fighting.
I’m giving it all I’ve got.
Right now there’s a 50/50 chance I won’t win.
Every day is a battle.
The door’s barricaded and I’m searching for another way out.
What happens if depression gets past my defenses?
What then?
I’m looking for the exit sign.
Where is that way out?
Fuck, did a window just break?
Do I stand my ground?
Can I hide until it disappears?
Do I call for help?
Can I outrun it?
Will it always find me?

In the end, I get to decide…

 

 

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