April 24, 2013
Do you know the image of the dead zombie in those scary movies? The camera slowly moves in and then pans down to the hand. There’s sinister music creating a tense feel as the pictures holds on the frame. Then just as you take a breath and think the beast is finally dead a finger moves. The music squeals and everyone knows the creature is alive. It will come back for revenge!
This is how I view my life.
Too many times I have been there lying on the ground. Beaten to a pulp. All resources gone. Every defense exhausted. Each avenue blocked. No chance for a comeback. Over. Finished. Seemingly dead.
Then one finger moves.
This makes me laugh because it’s how I feel. I’ve lain on the proverbial ground with no hope of recovery. I’ve waited and wondered if this was it. Sometimes it’s a long wait. This is where I have learned patience. Out of nowhere the smallest switch is flicked. It never fails. I will move. I will get up. I will come back. You should be afraid.
I have so little faith in anything. I trust nothing. Hope is not an option. The dead zombie, finger moving, revenge thing is what I know. It’s worked so often I now foreshadow the moment even as others around comfort me at another defeat. I might be crying in a heap, unable to move forward. I might have lost a huge battle or be crushed by abuse. I might be facing the worst odds. It’s at those moments I can stand outside the scene and know the script.
One zombie finger moves.
(from the soon to be published “The Long Game” by Tricia Barker)