Radar

My radar has never been wrong.

I’m sure this is alarming for most.  I find it a comfort.

For years I have been open about being a victim of sexual abuse when I was a child.

The topic is not for general conversation but it is interesting how often I make reference to the fact.

For many people the subject is still taboo.

This is strange when you understand how many are afflicted.  One in three females.  One in three.

I don’t know the stats for men.  I have a feeling they tend to keep their secrets.

But the damage is the same.

We are all broken.

Some are never repaired.

Then I reflect… none of us are completely repaired.   The scars remain.

As for my radar?

I usually know when I meet a victim.  Some minute hint throws a shadow. I can sense it more than see it. But it’s there.

It’s not my place to ask for a confirmation.  And it’s none of my business.

This might be the reason I’ve been more open about my past. If I talk about it many in turn talk to me. I’ve heard so many stories. Secrets have been shared in whispered words and tears.

I believe my radar also works for the abusers. Too many times my skin has crawled when I’ve met someone.  Too many times I’ve looked at a person with the intent to let them know I know. Send them a message with a mix of hate and disgust meant to warn them. If you cross the line and I find proof my Buddhist vows will not hold me back from the pain I will cause you.

I trust my radar.

So far it has not been wrong.

Trust your own gut.

  • Debbie

    Very powerful…

  • cher staite

    What really sad is that out of all the women I know well enough to have told me about their lives, only one or two were NOT victims of some kind of sexual molestation at some point … usually when they were quite young. Thing is, there wasn’t a criminal term for it when most of my friends and I were young. It was just the way life was. Nobody charged anybody with anything. Life was hard in the 40’s & 50’s. It’s still hard…just different kind of hard. I’m still glad I lived my youth then rather than now. The few guys that I have talked with about their childhood have also mentioned some form of abuse but most took it in stride and/or eventually went back and found some sort of retaliation. That’s what guys do. Women? Not so much. We internalize.

    • Too true Cher, too true. How times have changed… but I am always stunned we are still dealing with this issue!!