Uncategorized Archives - Page 2 of 17

Speak Up

16 November, 2016/4 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

I will never fully recover from being sexually abused and that’s OK.

It’s given me empathy.

I’m not bitter or mad, but after November 8^th I’m afraid.

Allowing Trump to exist says we are abandoning all those that need our help. Collectively they’ve been thrown under the bus.

It seems America has said they will no longer stand up, step up and speak up for those in need.

So now it comes back to us. You and me.

Here’s why I know this.

When I told my mother that my step-father had been sexually abusing me for three years she said not to worry, she would make sure I was never alone with him again. Unfortunately this is a typical reaction of not confronting the abuser but sidestepping the problem. Other family members viewed my allegations as trumped up lies and innuendo. They bought his deceit and claims of innocence. He lied well. Everyone wanted to believe him. If we could just all get along everything would be OK.

In the end I was abandoned.

The bully won. The sexual abuser won. The con man won.

my step father

Is this starting to sound familiar?

the other guy

Now think about some fifteen year old gay kid living in South Dakota. Or the young Muslim from Chicago. Or that disabled child in Indianapolis.

All they’re seeing is that a bully will now be running the show and making up rules that can hurt them. He will have that power and people are following his lead.

The masses believe his lies about being great again. Fear is not great.

So now it’s our turn to step up. It’s our obligation.

You see, my fifteen year old self became convinced I was wrong to tell the truth. I was worthless. The people in charge didn’t care. During those dark days I thought no one cared.

It doesn’t have to be this way… If someone speaks up things can change.

Years later, my 20 year old self was having an after work beer with some office mates. These friends knew my story. Our boss started to tell us what he would do if he ever met my step-father. He was from Glasgow and only someone with that accent could describe a grisly death in such a comical way.

We all laughed and my heart was mended.

Finally someone was saying “I will stand up for you.”

It’s what every child needs.

A Funny Moment

26 October, 2016/5 Comments/in SiWC, Uncategorized /by Tricia

It’s the little moments. The time when something makes you smile, or laugh. Jasper Fforde’s workshop at the Surrey International Writers’ Conference was all about humour in writing. Over breakfast the next day, we chatted about how you can write about the most horrific event and still make the audience smile.

Writing humour wasn’t on my mind as I assisted with the Diana Gabaldon book signing later that day. Everyone was already smiling! My job was to help people by taking their picture with Diana. Capture the moment so they could hold it forever. This was fun!

No one was expecting a medical emergency.

As we were wrapping up one of the fans collapsed. Since I was the closest, my emergency/first aid training took over and I stepped in.

There’s no need to tell you the scary and grisly medical details of what happened over the next precious minutes as we waited for the paramedics to arrive. It’s one of the most intimate times you will ever spend with someone. The surrounding world disappears; it’s just you and them.

I start talking. I pray my voice will keep them with us. I pray that what I say and how I sound can focus their thoughts and keep them here.

Last time I was in this position the man later told me he zeroed in on that sound and it made him calm, gave him a beacon to hold on to.

When everything is going wrong calmness can help. A place far away from the fear of what is going on all around you.

I hoped the same would happen on that floor where just minutes before a crowd had been waiting for Diana to sign their books.

As the worst of the symptoms subsided and the wait for medical help dragged on I could see she was starting to become aware of what had happened.

I leaned in a little more and said, “I don’t know about you, but I hope one of the paramedics looks like Jamie.” Jamie Fraser is the hero of Diana Gabaldon’s books and a stunning Scot. The smallest smile appeared, just a faint movement of her lip. In the midst of the mayhem she heard my joke and reacted. In that second I knew she would be OK, I knew we would get through this mess.

The paramedics and firemen arrived and to be honest, I can’t tell you what they looked like. My relief that the professionals had swept in to save the day was too overwhelming.

People came to the conference to attend dozens of workshops and hone their craft.

My experience was different but in some respects the same.

We are people connecting with people.

Great writing has the ability to make that happen. Words can perform miracles.

A writer can conjure up a feeling that supersedes everything else.

Diana Gabaldon created Jamie Fraser and he can make someone smile in the most horrendous circumstances.

Jasper Fforde reminded us that during those darkest moments it’s OK to say something funny.

And sometimes that is the best medicine.

Spending time with the amazing Diana Gabaldon

Take A Stand

12 October, 2016/2 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

I’ve never been a Miley Cyrus fan. I don’t like the sound of her voice. I’ve always dissed her and her public image. It was fun and became a joke with my friends.

Miley’s news this week made my decision take a serious turn. She appears in Woody Allen’s next film and has said, “Until I know someone and I know their story, I never really judge anyone. That’s kind of how I went into it. From the way I saw him with his family, I never saw him be anything but an incredible person and a really great dad.”

This is where I take my stand and draw the line.

Anyone that appears in a Woody Allen movie is dead to me. I make sure I never do anything that will support their career. End of. They are dead.

I’ve written about this before… https://triciabarker.com/believe-me/ Woody Allen has been accused of child molestation. His daughter still proclaims he did it, Allen denies it all.

My only question for Miley would be, “If you had a young daughter would you allow her to spend the night alone with Woody Allen?”

If the answer is yes, you’re either lying or a fool.

I was sad when Justin Timberlake also decided to join in, then Kate Winslet. Damn. I like her movies, I like his music. Now they are dead to me.

And I’m pissed that Miley is appearing on one of my favourite shows, The Voice. I fast forward through all her segments and pray she doesn’t come back next season.

Yes, this might sound ridiculous. But it’s the only thing I know how to do.

I accused my step-father of sexually abusing me. I said it because he was sexually abusing me.

At the time no one believed me. That didn’t make him less guilty. It only meant he was able to convince everyone that he was innocent and I was lying.

Since then I’ve vowed to stand by children and take their side.

And before you get upset and talk about false accusations: I will admit that can happen. But I will always opt to believe and protect the child. Always.

Miley and Justin and Kate won’t care about my stand.

I only do it for my twelve year old self that should never have been left alone with a monster.

Leo and the Hole

5 October, 2016/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

The US election has made me long for the good old days of the “West Wing.” It’s still my favourite show and once a year I binge watch the first four seasons. Those are the episodes written by Aaron Sorkin.

This week a post on my Facebook feed had the famous Leo quote.

Link to the video

I’ve kept a copy of those words in my wallet for years. They’re with me all the time. Aaron Sorkin is probably the only writer that could make you believe the White House Chief of Staff could be this type of man. Substance, integrity, and honour.

This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out. A doctor passes by and the guy yells up, “Hey, can you help me out?” The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts out, “Father, I’m down in this hole, can you help me out?” The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. “Hey Joe, it’s me, can you help me out?” and the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, “Are you stupid, now we’re both down here.” The friend says, “Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.”

Reading this again got me thinking. But first I’ll give you a little background. Leo is a recovering alcoholic and Josh, the guy he’s talking to, has just discovered he’s suffering. Leo vows to be there for Josh, to help him out. Leo has his back.

You see, I’ve been fat, homeless, sexually abused, fired. My heart has been crushed and now I’ve battled cancer. Bla bla bla… none of that matters.

Honestly. NONE. OF. THAT. MATTERS.

Well, not unless I gained some empathy and maybe a bit of motivation.

Even better, if you come out the other side of crap, get a hold of yourself, make sure you’re OK, then jump back into that hole to see if you can show someone else the way out.

Don’t be righteous, don’t preach, don’t preen and for god’s sake don’t answer an unasked question.

And if the only way you can help is to support the people that are helping others, that’s a good thing.

Most people have a story that will break your heart.

Don’t we all want to know someone who knows the way out of the hole?

Seaforth Highlanders

28 September, 2016/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

I wanted blog about how the Seaforth Highlanders held a huge celebration this past Saturday to mark their return to the Seaforth Armoury.

Instead, I spent most of the day mulling over the juxtaposition this held for me. The world is crazy right now. So many places where guns are causing havoc. And here I am, a Tibetan Buddhist practitioner, celebrating the military.

Life is strange.

But for me, life is all about the people you cross paths with and their intent. What’s in their heart?

The Highlanders have been at the Jericho base for four years waiting for the massive reconstruction of the 80 year old Armoury to be completed.

Saturday was the Homecoming.

I got to attend the event as President of the St. Andrew’s and Caledonian Society. Being part of the Society has made me keenly aware of Vancouver’s history, and to be more precise, Vancouver’s Scottish history. Add in my love of pipe bands and it’s easy to see why I have a special place in my heart for the Seaforth Highlanders. They were established on November 24, 1910 by a group of Vancouverites of Scottish decent. The Armoury was opened on August 26, 1936.

For years I lived two blocks away and passed it on my way to work. The building and it’s inhabitants have always been a part of the Kitsilano neighbourhood. I remember hearing the pipes being played there decades before I knew I had Scottish blood in me.

Saturday was a day to marvel at this historical place.

I loved seeing all the military personnel with their uniforms and rows of medals on their chests. The comradery was everywhere.

Saturday was a day to hear the Chor Leoni Men’s Choir sing with the 15th Field Brass and Reed Band and watch the Shot of Scotch dance! It was a day to see old and new friends.

Saturday was a day to hear some of Vancouver’s best pipe bands play their hearts out. I have a special love for the Vancouver Police Pipe Band!

Before the singing and dancing there was a formal ceremony when the Regiment officially marched past the dignitaries and invited guests.. The command of “face right” had been given. From my seat up front I could look right into these people’s eyes. Each so poised and dignified. I was overwhelmed to think of what some might have seen over their years of service. I feared what might be in store for others. I was filled with respect and admiration.

I hoped as they marched past they could see my tears of gratitude.

As the ceremony continued I slipped away to have a view from a high staircase.

Many people took brilliant pictures of the day. I highly recommend you check out the Seaforth Highlanders Twitter feed if you want to see some of them.

I’ll leave you with the final march past.

Please take a few moments to look at all these amazing people.

PTSD

14 September, 2016/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

PTSD is another silent killer.

You might be suffering from it right now and don’t even know it.

Thank goodness Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is attracting attention and the focus of the latest viral social media campaign. It’s also putting the spotlight on one group that is falling victim to this in horrendous numbers.

I know a guy who’s out there making this point and making a commotion.

This is Mike MacDonald…

… and he’s doing it all with some very perfect pushups!

The deal is to do 22 pushups for 22 days and each day nominate someone else to start.

Why 22? Well, 22 combat veterans commit suicide every day. PTSD is killing them. And we need to do something about it.

Mike is doing his part and one hell of a good job, but then again, Mike is one hell of a guy.

I asked Mike why he got involved and here’s what he said, “I’m the Vice President of the BC Provincial Command of ANAVETS. I have a friend that was wounded in Afghanistan and was diagnosed with PTSD. So when I was nominated by a fellow officer in Her Majesty’s Canadian Armed Forces, I thought that I could do some good by bringing attention to the cause. If it saves one life, or even improves someone’s situation, then it was a success. If not, at least it opened people’s eyes to the fact that PTSD is a legitimate issue.”

Here’s a recap of what he did.

LINK to Mike’s Facebook page where you will find all his 22 Days!

And here’s a video of my favourite group that took up Mike’s challenge! The Vancouver Police Pipe Band was performing at the Edinburgh Tattoo and they had all the pipers take part!

LINK to VPPB’s Facebook videos where you will find their pushups!

Chris Gailis, of Global News, just took up Mike’s challenge but so far PM Trudeau hasn’t responded. (And here I thought Justin loved doing push-ups…)

I love that Mike always finished the 22 pushups and then did “One for the Queen.”

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder had been a part of my life for years. Thankfully I’ve had the help and support of a great counselor, Denise Grams. Without her I would have been just another tragic statistic.

Luckily I know the signs.

My step-father kept repeating one word while he abused me and for years that word haunted me. It threw me back into the horrors that had been my childhood.

Now I hear the word and can smile. I’m on the other side. Treatment for PTSD saved my life.

It wasn’t easy, it wasn’t quick, but it worked. I only hope that all our combat vets are as lucky.

Reach out and get help before it’s too late.

If watching someone do 22 push-ups raises awareness and starts a discussion then let’s all do a few.

It’s the least we can do.

Music, Signs and Pumpkin Spice

7 September, 2016/0 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

It’s been a week when the commotion of going back to school and work has caused chaos for most of the people I come into contact with.

In the frenzy there have been little bits and pieces that have caught my eye.

Pumpkin spice is here and there is no turning back once the first scone has been consumed!

Rob Thomas, the amazing lead singer of MatchBox 20, is as handsome and talented as you could hope for. And a throwback to attend a concert with general admission is a reminder to how we would crowd the stage at concerts all those decades ago!

Rob embraced us all with his voice and proved again just how “Smooth” he really is.

Click here to see the YouTube Video I shot

Speaking of throwbacks… to see the Monkees play live at the Pacific National Exhibition was a not-so-gentle reminder of the aging process. The hits were hummable, but I spent more time watching the huge screens with clips from the old TV shows than I spent watching the stage. Mickey and Peter were not so smooth but extremely enthusiastic! My memory of being eight years old and lovingly staring at their iconic album cover for hours will stay with me longer than this night.

Hugs and kisses, XXX and OOO’s. I was chatting with a friend about this and how we casually use these as a sign-offs. A little crazy actually. They’re not in my repertoire. But as I left her that night I turned and made a hand gesture. It was supposed to be a last nod to the silliness of XXXOOO’s. Later, and it might have come from the amount of whisky consumed, I thought how much I love that sign. It’s not a kiss, it’s not a cockeyed plus sign, not even a stop sign… it’s multiply. Then I remembered it’s not new and actually the name of Ed Sheeran’s last album. Oh how it all comes back to the music I love.

One last thing… one very important last thing.

Amid all the chaos something happened that took me by complete surprise.

Never have I been so shocked and overwhelmed. Never have I been so touched by an act of kindness. A pure generosity.

Two people changed my life in a way I will never forget.

I was left speechless.

I was reminded that all is not lost and I am not alone.

Melanoma Strikes Back

17 August, 2016/2 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

Maybe I hadn’t done enough research? Maybe I was ignorant and in denial?

Or maybe it was Melanoma’s revenge?

Last week I was comical and said it would not get the best of me. I think the Big M was just having a day of sweet payback. It would not leave easily.

Yes, this is another blog about my Melanoma. Please note that I’m bringing it into the fold and being friendly with this disease now. “My Melanoma” Very lyrical… it almost sounds pleasant.

I thought I was prepared. Bought a pile of large bandages. (How ridiculous was that?) Cleared my clients for the day. All set for the little procedure. Even had a pleasant walk to the hospital to enjoy the perfect morning.

Then this lovely young doctor with a British accent told me what he planned to do. I wish I could have seen my face as he drew the lines on my leg where he would be making the three large incisions. To my credit I didn’t try to run away.

Maybe that’s because he started the conversation by reminding me that melanoma can kill.

The next hour was not pleasant. But afterwards, when your leg is still frozen, it’s easy to smile for the camera.

Since then I’m fully aware when it’s time to pop more pain killers. My leg starts talking to me. “The melanoma’s gone but I’m hurting here.”

This is how I’m going to look for the next two weeks. It’s hard to keep your leg elevated and type.

On the plus side…

I’m one of the lucky ones because my bandages are visible. People are kind when you look wounded. Out for my walk (limp) last night, passerby’s nodded and gave polite smiles. They might have been thinking, “Are you an idiot!” but I will opt to think that people are nice. Most see someone in distress and react well. We are all basically good.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m not really as positive as I seem. I had no idea I would end this journey with three big scars on my leg.

Life isn’t always fair.

But it did make me stop and enjoy the view.

The Melanoma Word

10 August, 2016/2 Comments/in Uncategorized /by Tricia

It’s pretty weird. Once you buy something, or think about something, it seems to be everywhere. Test-drive a red car and you see all the red cars on the road. Buy tartan Converse and everyone’s wearing them.

Get diagnosed with Melanoma and you start to hear the word in too many conversations.

I’m sure it’s just a fluky trick your mind gets to play.

I’ve heard some bad stories in the last month when people didn’t know about my predicament. It’s scary that many were, “His son died of melanoma.” “It was melanoma that killed her, they caught it too late.”

I don’t jump in and say, “Hey, I’ve got the disease and you’re not making me feel great.”

No, mostly I’m just listening.

Of course when I tell someone I have melanoma I always hear, “Oh, no biggie, I/my friend/that famous actor had it and everything was OK.”

However well meaning, it’s the typical response.

I’ve got my surgery booked and this time next week those cancerous cells will be gone.

The last two months have reminded me of 2007 when during a routine mammogram the doctor saw something and our amazing medical system took over. I was booked for surgery and had to wait about the same amount of time as for this cancer scare. During those weeks I ate tubs and tubs of ice cream in an effort to calm my fears. I got fat.

Funny how my weight and the sales at my local Dairy Queen have skyrocketed in the last few weeks. I am so predictable. Clearly I eat when I’m afraid.

Back in 2007 I also decided to say “Fuck You” to cancer. It wasn’t the best timing, in fact it was bad timing, but I was registered to run a half marathon four days after the surgery. Without telling the doctors or race director, I decided that no matter what, I would compete in the race. “Yeah cancer, you don’t get to be the boss of me!” I hauled my fat ass to the start line, checked to see that my stitches were firmly in place and walked those 21 kilometers. I came in last. My time sucked. But I finished. When my doctor found out he was pissed. The race director said he would have banned me.

Crossing the finish line made me stupidly happy.

“You are not the boss of me.”

So what will I do this time?

I don’t have a race to run.

But I do have a life to live.

Most likely I’ll just start to notice people that have ugly scars on their legs.

And that’s OK.

Ian and Sam

6 July, 2016/2 Comments/in Blog, Uncategorized /by Tricia

It’s all so personal. What we like, what we hate.

I love reading crime fiction.

I love short sentences.

I love reading about places I love.

I love when a few words say everything.

Last week I read a book with some of the best sentences I’ve ever read. Last week I read INVISIBLE DEAD by Sam Wiebe.

Sam has become one of my favourite writers. His first book, LAST OF THE INDEPENDANTS, made me an instant fan. He sets his stories in Vancouver. His characters feel real. I can see them walking these streets. Sam covers local issues. He makes them huge but intimate. I want to know his characters. I want to drink with them, hang out with them. I mean the good guys, not the killers.

I’ll read both books again. Even if just to enjoy those sentences.

Sam is our Ian Rankin. Ian introduced the world to the real Edinburgh. Sam will do the same for Vancouver. Drayton and Wakeland are our Rebus.

It may take a few books. But I’m counting on Sam to do it.

Oddly enough, Sam is also a big Rankin fan.

So here’s the rub.

Sam might be moving away. This doesn’t work into my grand scheme. Sam needs to be here and writing about my home.

He knows I’m not happy. But he doesn’t know he should just give up now.

Sam says he can write about Vancouver from Montreal.

No.

I have a few months to petition Sam to stay.

My default position is to cover my ears and say “I can’t hear you la la la” when Sam mentions his future. So far this hasn’t made a dent in his plans.

Plan B is to start a hashtag campaign.

I ran the wording past Owen Laukkanen. He knows Sam. Owen also writes crime fiction. He agreed with my choice for the tag but I think he was only humouring me.

This isn’t just about me and my wants. Once you read one of Sam’s books you will be on board. Trust me. You will want Sam to stay. You will beg Sam to write about Vancouver again.

You will want to wear one of the pins.

Now if only I can get Ian Rankin to jump on the bandwagon.

Could you help us out @Beathhigh?

#SamStays